Fate: False Farce (F/SN Genderbent Shirou SI) (2023)

His back ached.

Fujimura Raiga, Tiger of Fuyuki City, Oyabun of the Fujimura Group, and grandfather to two adorable grand-daughters (even if one was only by choice for the younger), was having a hard time deciding how exactly he was going to destroy this shitty chair later.

It was a folding chair, but this was one of the back-alley clinics for his men. The Fujimura Group was strong, and while not the most affluent, definitely had enough money to have chairs that didn’t feel like torture devices. He understood that the clinics had more important things to spend on such as doctors and medicinal supplies, but if he got a bad back because of this… Yeah. Definitely getting better chairs.

…He sighed. It wasn’t like himself to be so childish, but it was stressful seeing even a hint of… what did Kiritsugu call it? Something pretentious and poetic. Moonlit World? It was stressful seeing the Moonlit World become more active than late these past few days..

And it was beyond dangerous to have a… what did Kiritsugu call them? Something stupid. Wizard. He’d go with wizard. It was dangerous to have a wizard from that Moonlit World in a bed of one of the Fujimura group’s top clinics. Even if they were half-dead and one-armed.

Raiga had his men guarding the perimeter, and once the docs had gotten the lass stabilized, Raiga had ordered everyone out save for himself. Every bed in the clinic was empty save this one in the corner and Raiga had taken it upon himself to be the guardian and watcher of their… guest. Keeping a loaded gun in his jinbei and a sheathed katana on his lap, the Tiger of Fujimura found himself pondering on how waiting for danger could still be so boring.

His men had found the unnamed lass bleeding out behind the Church, the creepy one with the bad mojo and the creepier priest that Kiritsugu had warned him about, and even if there wasn’t magic dancing around in the background, Raiga knew the type of story this was. Tossed, injured, definitely betrayed, the lass would be driven by spite and vengeance and/or have amnesia that’d force her to find answers that would lead straight back to spite and vengeance.

He’d been in the business for the better part of a century. Classic Yakuza story. Maybe that’s why he didn’t feel in danger. Those who helped a quest for righteous vengeance suffered tribulations, but were always safe from the one they aided.

Unless they were part of the reason that the whole vengeance quest started, but Raiga felt pretty safe in saying that what happened to this lady definitely wasn’t their fault. If they wanted her dead, they’d just have given her some cement shoes and tossed her in the river or something, none of this half-assed ‘oh, they’ll die from blood-loss.’ Any Yakuza worth their drink knew that blood-loss was a power amplifier in a fight, not a weakness. And losing a limb while surviving something that should’ve killed her? That’s the start of legends right there; that’s what it was.

His men grabbed her, all nice and hush-hush, dragged her to the clinic to be treated, and now he was waiting for her to wake up.

…Ugh, so boring. Raiga wished he had ordered his men to bring snacks or the latest copy of Shonen Jump, but noooo…. Yakuza Bossu had to be dramatic and be the only one to watch the dangerous wizard. Could’ve gotten some shochu at least.

It was almost a relief when his phone rang, roaring GAAAOOOO~. For how much his grand-daughter hated being called a tiger, she really did love making everything tiger-themed. Eh, it was his adorable grand-daughter Gao-ing, so he kept the ringtone. When it GAO-ed again, Raiga picked up the phone and flipped it open to answer, keeping an eye to make sure that the lady didn’t try anything funny.

“Do you know what time it is?” Raiga didn’t actually care how late it was. He’d stayed up later and longer, but, as mentioned before, he was annoyed at how shitty this fucking chair was. “This better be good.”

“Oh, sorry!” the polite monotone of her daughter’s caretake whispered out of the phone, “Is this a bad time, Oyabun-sama?”

Immediately, Raiga softened his rough growl into an excited rumbling. “Shiho-chan! No need for such respect. Just treat me like your grandfather! You’re always taking such good care of Taiga.”

“No. No.” SHiho-chan protested, “She takes care of me, jiisan…? Is that okay? Jiisan?”

“Yes! Please call me that!” Raiga laughed boisterously, You’re family,“ As his laughter turned to soft chuckles, he shook his head ruefully, “And, Shiho-chan, while I love my granddaughter very much, you have to admit that she lacks quite a bit of sense and I’m so very thankful that you’re there to help her.”

“She’s not that bad.”

“She burnt water once,” Raiga replied, smiling fondly at the memory. Taiga had been trying to make miso soup to help Shiho-chan when she caught a cold all that time ago, but then… fire.

“She just forgot to turn off the stove! And it was my fault since I was tryign to help and she had to stop me from helping,” Shiho-chan answered. If one didn’t know her, she’d sound calm and reasonable, but with how rapid fire the response came, Raiga knew she was getting flustered, “And she can cook! She taught me how to make hamburg steak once!”

Huh. The more you knew. It didn’t erase his original point. “And how often does she clean up?”

“...She’s getting better about sorting the beer cans and the beer bottles for trash day.” Shiho-chan eventually answered. She then perked up and chirped, “Oh! And she knows not to mix the whites and colors now for laundry.”

Raiga remained quiet, letting the silence speak for itself. Children knew how to do such basic things. He could almost picture Shiho-chan not-shuffling in the usual Emiya manner of quietly trying to erase their presence from the conversation.

“I suppose that is something,” Raiga eventually said, mercifully breaking the awkwardness. Time enough for teasing, Shiho-chan was always polite and accommodating. To call this late at night was out of character and… With recent events, Raiga was worried as to the reasons why. “Now what have you called me for? It’s unusual for you to call this late.”

“I need a bottle of black sake. I’ve been selected for a marble game, and I need to put my best foot forward,” Shiho-chan answered, cutting straight to the quick of it, “Also some repairmen please. The veranda broke. A large hound wrecked it.”

Black Sake. Kiritsugu’s secret code for when he needed all the items he had given to the Tiger of Fuyuki to guard. Raiga had thought Emiya had retired fully and that with his death, none of it would ever be needed again, but to think that he had left that legacy to his daughter? Raiga knew that Kiritsugu had kept the more dangerous and mystical artifacts close to his person, but even the mundane materials he had entrusted to Raiga were enough to topple small governments.

Black sake wasn’t something as simple as weapons or gear, though there were some scurried about in various safehouses; from vehicles to guns to esoteric talismans better left untouched. No. What Black Sake actually referred to was a little book, a journal. Kiritsugu’s journal..

If he was honest, the only reason the Fujimura Group had grown so powerful in the past ten years was that Raiga had used some of that information. Most of the weird wizard crap was in code that only Kiritsugu and apparently Shiho-chan knew, but there were uncoded parts too; links to overseas accounts filled with enough funds to fund an independent military group and records and locations of sellers that dealt in the illegal and eldritch. Raiga had figured that the lack of encoding on those bits was Kiritsugu’s tacit permission to use those funds as he pleased, and well… There was a reason the Fujimura Group was the undisputed leader of Fuyuki Citynow.

…Still, there were parts of it that Raiga dared not touch. The weaponry alone was enough to take out small countries, never mind the amount of money hidden in the accounts. The knowledge and plans? Brutal, practical, and most importantly, efficient. Some of them he didn’t understand, especially the one where Kiritsugu planned an earthquake to disrupt something called a ‘leyline’ but… yeah. Raiga didn’t understand any of the plans. All fucking wizard nonsense and bullshit..

Asshole had left the part about planning an earthquakecompletely uncoded, almost as a confession and a warning, and Raiga had spent so much time trying to prep for that. He had tried stopping it from happening, but beyond a warning, Kiritsugu had left nothing else about how or where he put the damn bombs, just that he did it. Fucking paranoid asshole didn’t even have the decency to explain why, and Raiga was stuck prepping for an earthquake at some point in the next forty years, some where near or within Fuyuki City, and all he had to help him was that… it’d happen.

Because fuck his ulcers, eh? When he met Kiritsugu again, Raiga was going to give him the Legendary Tiger Cross.

Some days, Raiga wished he could have destroyed it all, just… erase all of it, but he had made an oath, and damn it all, what Kiritsugu had given the Fujimura Group was the beginning of an equalizer with forces Raiga still barely understood.

…If there was one person to trust that Raiga could trust with Kiritsugu’s legacy, it would be his daughter though. Only right that the daughter read their dead father’s journal or something. It was… tradition? Yeah, tradition.

. “...How soon?” Raiga asked. Hopefully that pause was taken as him being dramatic and not him retroactive re-stressing over Kiritsugu’s legacy.

“Preferably tomorrow morning,” Shiho-chan answered as if what she asked for was something as simple as a takeout box. Well, Raiga supposed that Kiritsugu’s journal could fit in a takeout box, but the literal warehouse of guns and explosives definitely couldn’t. “Something popped up and now I have guests who really like marbles. I need to prepare.”

It was just so in-character of Kiritsugu to tell her daughter what to ask for but not what she was asking for. Raiga supposed he’d have to send to her the appended list that explained what Kiritsugu had left behind.

…He had to stifle a chuckle. Perhaps the takeout box metaphor was more apt than expected. Imagine that!o An oyabun sending a little girl a menu of her father’s most lethal weapons.

“I’ll send over a selection and a few of my best,” Raiga sighed.

“No,” Shiho-chan immediately denied, “You and yours aren’t protected by the rules.”

“And the rules protect you?” Raiga returned, already planning on ignoring Shiho-chan’s attempts of dissuasion by simply sending men over.

“...Just help me clean up and send the black sake please.”

“...If you’re sure,” Raiga nodded, still planning on what to do..

Who else to send? As much as he’d like to send the full might, Raiga knew that Kiritsugu had a penchant for small groups and had no doubt trained his daughter the same way. Perhaps it would be better to send supporters instead of fighters. People who were a dab hand at working the fancy new tech and drones and cameras. Information was power after all.

Problem was getting her to accept the help.

“I’m sure,” Shiho-chan nodded, “I also need jewels. Uncut preferably and in bulk if you can. Quality… mid to high should be good.”

“For your marble game?” Raiga asked. Why would she need jewels? For a fight? How would-- Ah. Must be wizard bullshit. Maybe Shiho-chan did have allies.

“Sadly, yes. I’ll forge you a sword after this is all over.”

Ooh. Swords. Coughing twice, Raiga steadied his excitement and politely refused, “No need! No need. I already have the one you gave me for my birthday! And Christmas. And New Year’s and- your birthday. I’ve gotten lots of swords”

“Oh, I didn’t realize I had given you so many.”

It was easy to forget, with how stoic and strong Shiho-chan was, that she was a sensitive girl. “Don’t feel bad, Shiho-chan.” Raiga comforted, “I was just being polite. I’d love to have more swords made by you. They’re useful!”

Completely honestly too. Shiho-chan’s little forge had initially been an indulgence to fund, but was now a cherished and important force multiplier for the Fujimura group.

“Useful?” Shiho-chan wondered.

Whoops. Didn’t want his pseudo-granddaughter catching on that her ‘display swords’ were used for uh… more physical forms of display than the classification implied..

“Yes, as display pieces,” Raiga explained, carefully spinning a half-truth, “Can’t be a chivalrous organization without a katana or two on the mantle!”

“I suppose that makes sense,” Shiho-chan murmured. She then chirped, “Well, then, take care. Stay safe.”

“You too,” Raiga returned. If the little that had slipped through the veil of the last ‘marble game’ was anything to go by, Shiho-chan was the one who needed to do that. “And good luck.”

Shiho-chan hummed in confirmation, and then the line clicked shut.

Leaning back on the chair and wishing for the umpteenth time that it actually had support, Raiga sighed. He felt a bit bad about misleading Shiho-chan’s back on what her blades were actually used for, but he was also the Tiger of Fuyuki. He had a duty to his men and a responsibility to his territory.

Try as she might, Shiho-chan was nowhere as good as Kiritsugu at keeping secrets. And she was too kind to keep the more important ones such as her… gift for swords. Powerful, strong, and able to cut through steel, the blades that she forged were realms above modern-day ones, and were some of the only things that allowed the Fujimura Group to fight against the supernatural. While Kiritsugu’s explanation of the Moonlit World had been curt and sparse the few times he and Ryuudou-san managed to wheedle the retired assassin about it, there was just enough for Raiga to realize that Shiho used the act of forging to hone her… whachamacalli? Magecraft? Seemed like an extra step to name something that was basically magic, but eh.

If the wizards wanted to call magic magecraft, that was on them. Raiga was the practical sort and he’d use what he got.

Honestly. Gas Leaks as an explanation for tentacle monsters and monsters riding jet plane? He had younglings, wet-behind-the-ears, tell better lies than that to the police. Ever since that fire ten years ago, Fuyuki City had gotten darker, more dangerous, and eldritch things walked the night. The more superstitious and stupid of his underlings whispered about yokai prowling, and in private, Raiga agreed with them. Shiho-chan’s swords and techniques were the only things keeping his men safe, and with how generous she was with gifts, Raiga had made sure that the strongest of his kobun were equipped with the swords.

Not that he would tell her. Silly dear thought the swords were just showpieces and Raiga was going to keep it that way as long as possible. While Raiga may care for Shiho-chan like another granddaughter, he was still leader of the Fujimura Group. Every tool, every opportunity, everything would be used to tame the darker side of Fuyuki.

And if her blades and her techniques could be used to breach the Moonlit Side? So be it.

“Sorry, Shiho-chan,” Raiga sighed, looking out the window at the moon, “A prideful Tiger will guard its mountain regardless of knowledge or power.”

But having answers from this one-armed lady would certainly help. If only she would fucking wake up.

…Raiga leaned over and poked the unconscious lady’s cheek. He then found himself leaning back away from the katana and cursing the lack of support in the chair. Oh. She was awake and had stolen the katana that Shiho made for him. He’d be pissed if he wasn’t impressed.

“Who are you?” the lady scowled, having evidently been biding her time. Dangit, the classic ‘Fake-Sleeping-And-Steal-A-Weapon-To-Reverse-An-Interrogation’ trick. Was this what it felt like being on the other end? Definitely more annoying on the being-threatened-side.

Still! A lass with spunk. Raiga knew exactly how to deal with those!.

Leaning forward into the blade, letting it prick his skin just a bit, Raiga grinned.

“Better question is what we can do for one another, girlie. Now, let’s put away the blade and talk like civilized folk.”

One beat, two beats, and Raiga’s grin only grew when the lady lowered the katana and nodded for him to speak.

Wizards. Yakuza. Moonlit or Shadowed.

Raiga really couldn’t really see a difference in how one held themselves in such dealings. So much the better.

=====

Hanging up the phone, I placed two hands on the kitchen counter, braced myself, and sighed.

Oookay. That’s done. I can expect something to come in tomorrow that might help this war. I wonder what it is. In retrospect, I probably should’ve asked exactly what Black Sake was, but it didn’t seem like the right time and then the old man died. And Black Sake didn’t seem like something you could just ask over lunch or at a sumo match, you know you know?

Felt like a last resort sort of thing, and to be fair, the old man pretty much told me to call for Black Sake when this happened.

…Now next is… making sure that Rin doesn’t kill me. She is going to be so pissed. Ugh. We’re… friends? I think? I’ve been feeding her lunch for a while now since she her idea of lunch is sad, but that’s not what I’m worried about. I’m worried about her killing me for hiding the fact that I am, technically, a mage.

I never really tried to hide it, but I never really tried to reveal it either, so, knowing Rin, that’s grounds for a… Gungnir? Gunbar? I don’t remember what Rin’s main spell is, but whatever it is, I can expect her to fire it at me.

Also, Saber. Saber was so nice. She listened! Invited them in and I didn’t have to try and fight her. She seemed grumpy about it and she glared at me with the ‘We will have words later’, but she listened. Saber’s so bae.

…I am so stressed. I don’t usually use such stupid lingo unless I’m deflecting or…

You know what? I promised dinner for Saber. I’ll make dinner even if it’s near midnight and more of a midnight snack sort of deal, but we are going to be gearing up for one hell of a fight, so food is key! Hunger is the enemy! And also food is an excellent bribe to not be shot at!

Katsudon’s the name of the menu! Katsu! Sounds like victory! I’ll have to use all the meat for this week and go restock tomorrow, but it’ll be worth it to feed everybody.

Stabbing the meat to open it up, I put the cutlets into a slapdash marinade sauce of lemon, ginger, and shoyu to marinate for fifteen minutes. This is where I’d say the secret sauce is something sappy like love or care, but the real secret sauce is magic. Literal magic.

Reinforcement! It’s not as simple as making things strong because it’s better. It’s more… you know how things are things? With Reinforcement, you make a thign more of a thing.

…Big Sis Taiga has influenced me way too much. That or the concussion is still there. Anyways, Reinforcement is about making things better at being themselves, reinforcing the concept, the existence, its purpose. Fire will burn hotter, knives will cut better, and food will be tastier.

Is it wasteful? Most Magi would say yes, but fuck them. I’m me. And I like good food and making people happy with my good food.

Putting it in the fridge, I smiled, took a seat on the stool, and grabbed my head. I have as long as this cooking session to have my panic attack and just… fucking ramble. I’m not a good Emiya. I cannot perfectly compartmentalize things until I die, so I have to make do and panic in short bursts between events.

With the coming fights, this might be my last time to just have a loose leash on my thoughts and be a complete and utter mess of a human being.

Starting off, let’s begin addressing the fact that I almost died by being thankful to the best Noble Phantasm so far! Avalon!

Avalon, Avalon, Avalon~!

What would I do without you?

Seriously? What would I do without you? Gae Bolg was a wondrously crafted spear, being not only a pinnacle of carvery, but a magnum opus of enchantment by Scathath, imbuing the weapon with the distillation of the creator’s fervent wish for death. Scathath truly knew what she was doing when she turned the skull of Curruid into a spear.

Shame her dipshit student didn’t know shit about responsible usage, killing his best friend and son with the damn spear

…Okay, maybe that was a bit too harsh, but in my defense, Lancer killed me. TWICE. Forget the damn nickels, I want hugs! And cuddles! I hate dying! I’ve done it like… four times by now.

Originally, the only way to avoid the curse of Gae Bolg would be to kill Lancer, but another way to bypass the curse was to just… die. If you die, then the curse of death is completed and then disappears because what’s the point of a curse of death when the recipient is dead?

Which means that you are then free to revive, curse free.

Having experienced it twice tonight, I would not recommend this method. It works,but absolutely would not recommend it. I don’t know if my heart hurts out of phantom pains, or if it’s the lingering curse, but either way, I do not recommend dying to escape a death curse.

At least I’m assuming that’s how it works. I’ll admit, I was never the best Nasu Fan. Could never wrap my head around the stupidity of the whole hidden underworld of mages and the weird search for the Root. What’s the point of trying to preserve Mystery if you’re only ever going to use it to play around in the insular politics and petty assassinations and just…

Gah. Magecraft is amazing. It could help so many people, and it infuriates me that the most magi ever use it for is to accumulate power. It’s like accumulating power for the sake of power. It’s so stupid and wasteful and just--

I’m getting distracted. It’s probably to take my mind off the pain and terror of having your heart torn out, but I’m an Emiya for a reason. Compartmentalization is great.

Completely honest? Back then, I was in it for the porn and the doujins and the fanfiction. I really did enjoy the story of Fate/Stay and all its variations. I’m of the firm opinion that there should’ve been a harem ending. Not because I was horny but because I wanted all of them; Sakura, Saber, Rin, Ilyasviel(Ignoring the incest) all of them to be happy.

There’s a reason Cooking with Emiya is my favorite timeline. Everybody lives, everybody’s chilling, everybody’s content. Also, there’s food. Good food.

Unfortunately, that was a hypothetical timeline relative to mine, and they never expand on how things ended up the way they did. Supposedly, it’s canon because my friend from then explained to me how the Kaleidoscope makes everything canon, but… who the fuck knows.

Certainly not me. I’m apparently the fucking Shirou Emiya of this supposedly canon, definitely alternate version of Fate/Stay. What would this route even be called? False Fake? Fake Farce? It’s definitely got something to do with lies because holy shit, am I an imposter.

Hm… Should I do side dishes? …Rolled omelets. I’ll make a sweet rolled omelet because I deserve something nice.

I’d ask the Gods to help me, but last I remembered, they were giant murder-mecha. I think. Oh, shit. If I make it through this, Fate Grand Order is going to happen a decade later. Maybe. I know nothing about FGO beyond the memes and the porn.

Again. Not the best Nasu-fan.

I really wish I had paid more attention to the lore now that I was living in the Nasuverse now.

Pork cutlets should be finished marinading by now. I took them out and put them into the egg bath to soak, tossing the leftover marinade sauce into the rice cooking in the stone pot. Was it slapdash to just add random crap? Yes. Would it be amazingly tasty to have rice literally cooked in the meat-empowered essence of the pork cutlet? Also, yes.

Crushing and crumbling leftover bread crusts, I seasoned the cutlets with a bit of salt and pepper. I wanted to use my usual spice mix, but I didn’t know if Ilya could handle it. I think Shiro met Illya in canon tonight, so I should make something for her. I’m fairly certain she lived in Europe, but… did she live in Britain? I don’t want to accidentally kill her with spice if she has British tastebuds, so sadly… no spice for these ones.

I’d be worried about Saber, but she’s from Medieval Britain, from back when they actually understood what spice was for and had actual taste. I know for a fact Rin does not like spicy food, she complains about Mapo Tofu every other time we eat lunch together, so I’ll make her usual and just give her extra tonkatsu sauce.

…Wait, there’s nothing stopping me from adding spice to these ones! Hahaha! You are a genius, Shiho. You are a genius. Spice some, but not all and you can still spare the Brits from spice. Rin will still commit the sin of having no taste, but everybody else? Spice!

Can you tell I am this close to having another breakdown? What am I talking about? You’re me! I’m you! And we’re all fucked. You know what? I’ll chop the salad. That’ll help. Knives are good to have when you’re panicked, eh? Don’t forget to Reinforce the food! Make everything tasty! Because this is the last time you’ll have full control over anything. Cooking.

I could barely keep track of the timelines back when I was in the old world and watched the anime. Having lived here for 17 years? Having my memories from then mixed and merged with the life I”ve lived now? I’m lucky that I remembered who the Servants were! I’ve already forgotten who Caster’s master was beyond that she really wanted to have his fucking babies!

…Lost control just now. I have to be better. Also, this salad is chopped really thin now. Onions seem to be fine though, so that’s good. Eh,still edible. That being said, I took a step back to calm myself.

In. Hold. Out. Hold. Breathe just like the old man showed you.

Repeating that a few times, I thought about my next goal. Well, my next goal was finishing up this katsudon without making anything else too small, but the goal after that was breaking the news to Saber and Rin and figuring out what the deal was with Archer, but then…

I have too many goals and-- Ah, shit. Rice is burning. Rice is burn-- Actually, if I used Structural Grasping to view the entirety of the pot, I could get a perfect char on the bottom. That’d be nice.

Doing just that, I tried chanting the Aria, “I am the Bone of My Sword. Fire is my--”

…Forgot the rest. Oh well, I have just about… not enough time to learn the trump card of EMIYA. Ahahahaha, I am sooooo screwed. Time is something that is definitely not on my side.

I do have time to take my now-perfectly charred rice off the heat. Mix it up before serving and I would have a perfect carb compliment to the pork katsu.

I need to learn Unlimited Blade Works as soon as possible. That was the keystone of so many of Archer’s and Shirou’s abilities. It’s what let a fool stand amongst heroes. Is my nature even similar enough to activate it? No. I have Avalon inside of me, Saber saved me with that artifact. My Element and Origin should both be Sword at this point, but… is my mindset similar enough to start the crystallization of the Reality Marble?

…Frying the veggies! Let’s just enjoy the sounds of sizzling oil for now, and not lament how I’m maybe not insane enough to activate UBW. Or is that fanon!? Who knows!? WHO KNOWS!?

Either way, the first three days are vital. I remember that much. They’re what select the route between Saber, Rin, and Sakura. If one counts the deleted one, Ilyasviel too.

…But I’ve already fucked that up. Can’t even select a route if I wanted to at this point. Not that I would. Call me arrogant, but I have the knowledge, vague as it may be, and I’m fundamentally a selfish person. I don’t like sad things. To choose one route would be to neglect the others and if I can save them all, I’ll do it.

This isn’t me being a Hero of Justice or anything. I just don’t believe in inaction when you have the ability. I’ve already spent the past decade doing nothing, leaving Rin alone, leaving Sakura to those shitty bugs, and just… I’ve already done nothing for a decade already. I… I can’t do that, don’t want to do that anymore.

To leave Sakura to suffer alone under the Matous was cruel, to leave Saber trapped in that cycle of eternally trying to save an irrevocably broken Camelot was barbaric, and Rin?

…Rin was fine actually on all the routes. In fact, she was necessary to help save Saber in the.. Sunny Days route? I think that was what that route was called, an add-on to the UBW route. The one where there were two waifus at the end. I don’t know. I want to minimize pain and I’d definitely need her help to do it. I need all their help to do it.

I’m also definitely not going to let that blonde bastard take Ilya’s heart. She’s my sister. Granted, she may try to murder me, but that’s just what siblings do. I assume. I never had siblings in my last life, so…

Gah. I want to, no, have to save everyone. I have the knowledge. I think I may have the power. And just… I can’t fail. I… I can’t. Not again. I can help people. I’ll be better. And I’ll ask for help. Within reason. Hopefully. Hah. I’d do it all if I could, but I’m too weak.

But that’s no excuse.

Self-pity is all well and good, but my feelings don’t matter when people’s lives are on the line. I’ll die as many times as needed for that golden ending.

Which is why this dinner had to be perfect. Ten servings should do it. Three for me, Rin, and Archer. Three for Sakura, Taiga, and Ilyasviel if they come in as surprise guests. Four servings for Saber or two each for Saber and Berserker. If the hypotheticals don’t come, that leaves about… four to seven for people to have seconds or for me to save as leftovers. Which means I should times and a half it for fifteen, just in case. Fifteen meals total, put them into the takeout containers for easy transport, and voila! Meals to go on the go!

I think. I am too stressed to do math or poetry, but cooking feels nice. I have so much control.

That’s enough prepwork. Rice is ready, Cutlets just needs to be fried and I can plate it on the onion and cabbage on top of rice. This dinner may turn out to be an absolute disaster but I’ll be damned if it won’t be a delicious one.

I suppose that sums up my plan in general. Make the best out of what I can. I’m sorry, old man, but I’m not going to be a hero who saves as many as I can. I’ll just… save what I can and not think too hard about the rest.

If I have the option to alleviate pain, to be kind, I was going to grasp it with both hands and make that happy ending real. And that means as soon as I finish cooking, panic time is done and the mission is go. All tears, fears, and pain go into the Box.

…I hope Big Sis Taiga forgives me for using her secret stash to make chocolate fudge.

…It’ll be fine if I save her some, right? It’ll be fine.

Enough stalling. It’s time for an awkward meal.

=====

AN:

Apologies for the long impromptu break! Holidays! You know how it is.

That being said, how was this chapter? Did you enjoy it? I really had fun writing the first part. Expect to see more of the Fujimura group. I might have to draw on headcanons for fanon for this because there's not much on the wiki. Scratch that. I'm definitely going to have to do that, but should be fun.

A much more emotionally open Emiya is an Emiya with many more allies.

Did you catch the foreshadowing I did in the cooking section? I'll admit I was inspired by a certain Parcasious fic, and to anyone who guesses which fic correctly, I will confirm it and answer one question, within reason.

I'm goign to be trying to write more this semester. I'm hoping to make writing something I can not only do for enjoyment but also for a living. I'm going to try and branch out into original novels too. I won't be abandoning fanfiction entirely, but I may try and focus on original content in hopes of a publishing deal.

What am I saying? I'm going to do all of it because I'm greedy like that.

Thank you to all of you who've supported me through the years. Here's to a new year in which we may all improve in the manners that we wish!

Happy New Years to all of you!

Is that all? I think that's all. Hope you enjoyed!

If you want to join these people, here's a remind that I have a Patreon! Feel free to help out there! It gets you big thankies and also previews and sneak peeks to finished chapters. You'll get episodes a week ahead, but you'll also possibly get to comment on completed scenes. You also get discord roles. It's just for things. There's also a Discord! Check out my Tumblr Memoirs too!

Now onto the comments! Likes and follows are all well and good, but comments are what really make me feel as if a work is meaningful or doing well. Gives me energy and interaction to keep on writing!

But ah. Uh... No flame wars please.